Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Burn ★★★★

I might admit to a feeling of uneasiness
If I was still capable of such things
If I could scrape free the blind from my eyes
Or raise the veil that clouds my thoughts

I miss him

His body is the cup my feelings spill into
Yet each drop sinks
Into a spiraling void
Endless and irrevocable
Twinkling like stars in the darkness
Until burning out

There is a flicker
Like a flame on the tip of my tongue
I could fall bodily into that
My entire self consumed inside of him
Burned alive or fading out
Emptied of context

But he is a winch that pulls me back

I want to wind my fingers through his hair
The way I want to twist myself
Into the patterns of his thoughts
Make a space for myself against his heartbeat


And now it's past midnight
But I'm dreaming awake
The miles between us
Begin to feel like my intestines unraveling
And I know I should sleep
But I'm going to him
Into the sickly night air
That dampens my shirt and thickens my breath

I feel like I'm underwater

I hear a buzzing
Like a blown out speaker
Twisting and chittering in the stillness
Above the droning cicadas
A dragonfly beats himself
Against the plastic dome
On the light above the stairwell
As if his body were tethered to it
Failing to break free of it's gravity

And from where I stand
I can see the floors above me
The lights for each floor
And dragonflies
Beating their dissonance
In a chorus like electric currents

I trace my eyes upward
Light to light
Until they disappear from view
Lost into inky sky
And a feeling climbs up the back of my throat

A second spanning countless moments passes
And I swallow my held breath
And continue to my car

He's waiting for me
Out there in the empty hollows

And it's time for me to return

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