Friday, September 22, 2017

Untitled

There are clinical terms 
That I could use
To describe the things I am feeling 
Just like you can take a pin 
And slide it through the flesh
Of an insect, an animal
And mount it on a board
Take a clean white paper
And carefully label it
Preserve it under glass
A stagnant moment in time
Freed from context
And easily digestable

I've seen scorpions in resin
Dangling from leather cords
A decorative motif
To dress the necks
Of rebellious youths
But like the skulls on leather jackets
Or in baroque paintings
They are only a reminder
The suggested recollection
Of the existence of poison
It will never instill a shuddering panic
As would a hard dry carapace
The feel of parchment paper husks
Shifting against the softness
Of a woman’s breast
A coiled tail 
Above a beating heart

So while I would gladly provide
Something clean and neat
With thick cardstock
And leveled corners
Bathed under clear slick gloss
I simply have no words
That equal the weight on my chest
This pressure against my form
And a shifting against myself
And frankly I am adverse
To the feeling of pins

Untitled

I am a waterfall 
I spill out over
The island of my bed
Which in turn unravels
In sheets and blankets
Cascading onto the floor
A thing which in turn
Is currently represented
By murky pools of black void
The conceit of carpet
Existing only but for
Object permanence 
A memory
Of feeling and stability 
Beneath my feet 
The black out curtains
Consume the rest
Drink up all but a sliver
That bathes my world in blue
Not enough to see by
But enough to be reminded
Of the abyss

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Reflections

Standing in a bathroom
The muted notes of horns
Slips through the plywood
Unnoticed

Had I not noticed it anyway

Instead of a mirror
There is a painting of a snake 
A stylized cobra
Dreaming of skateboards
And motorcycle jackets

So instead I stare at this
Pink Himalayan Salt Stone
That could 
In some sense
Provide for a bit of reflection
Just not the kind I need

But mostly
It doesn't really work at all

Nothing here
Is really what was intended
 
It's not really
What anyone wants

In the corner
There next to the door
I see ants
Swarming over something
That I can't quite make out

When I get closer
I see the corn kernel body
Of a dying beetle
Collapsed in a divot in the concrete floor
Shifting one of its remaining legs
Unable to get out

And I want to do something
But I can't seem to move
So instead with one arm
I find the door

Pinnings

They fall for me when I am up
When I am a whirling rapturous thing
A dream they can cling to upon waking
A whispered sense in their depths that suggests
Magic is a thing
That could actually exist
An implied but unspoken promise
Dripping with what might be
Seductive candy coated insinuations
Of things to come

They yearn for something
That can't be pinned down
Or neatly stored in small keepsake boxes
A life outside of the chaste treasured totems
In scrapbooks and photo albums
They want to be brought to flame
For something that inverts their insides
And redeems them
Of their acceptance
Absolves them of settling
And of their resignation
Under the weight of could have beens

But a map is not a doorway
And I am not Atlas
So there will be times
When the world is to much to bear
And I won't have enough light
To ignite the stars
So when reality crashes in
In it's inevitable rising tide  
Carrying routine and disappointment
Rhythm and rote
Then even the afterimage will fade
And in the end they leave me
when I am down

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Shatter ★★★★

Sometimes the sky is meteoric
Black sheen glossy obsidian dark
And I can see the hands reach down
From trembling inverted mountain peaks
As the framework rafters bow and scream
I see the silver fish
In the sidewalk gutter gardens
As they move the moon carves up their backs
Making empty nests for writhing birds 
That speak warnings in whispers
Of winter upon us
The dark is coming to lay down 
Like a lover at my feet to rest on my body
To pull me under and eat my thoughts 
Until I am empty and hollow and freezing
Until my head is just a radio
Filled in between with the cries
Of the sun and the weaving of the waves
Of the great invisible rivers 
That run through my fingertips 
And point at the north star
Everything is slipping downward 
Some intimate black box hold
Like barbecue lenses and train turntables
Catatonia speaking cotton
Bach and the invisible harmonica dreaming
Quilt weighted beaches 
Remembering wet sheets and drowning
And then you say something
And the world sets back in
Everything clear

Obliviate ★★★

I was going to write a poem
In beautiful words I'd express 
The way your ghost had returned 
The black weight,  the cherished pit
But you aren't worth
Being caressed by silk soft words
To wrap around you in gossamer glory 
Instead I want words
That splinter and rot inside you 
Your existence has become a blight
On my precious memories of you
And it would be distressingly easy
To wrap you in shimmering anamnesis
To see you through a lens turned back
So maybe once you might have been
My summer
My poetry 
But now you're just an asshole

As Intended ★★★★

I wrote a poem on this page
I had addressed it to you 
But I erased it
Line by line 

The only part I kept was the end

It read

We play this game 
Where we never ask questions 
And never get answers

Which was really everything 
That I had wanted to say

And I suppose you could ask
Exactly what I meant

But you see